Marriage failed because I was sleeping with the enemy, a fake rat disguise as a mouse. We were no longer friends and the all the hate had set in like grass stains in a pair of new blue jeans. I no longer loved this person anymore and my nightly prayers seem to beg for God to induct them into the Karma hall of fame. They no longer looked attractive to me and the energy that was produced from being in the same room with them; was like being in the desert with space heaters only swallowing your spit for mist water. Every word they spoke was a lie to me, sex was like a try out for a sport team that didn’t even peep your interest. Life with them started to feel unstable, forced and a punishing curse . I realized early they were going to be a replications of their mother, the unwanted surroundings of being a misfit and the years of verbal and mental abuse they endured as a child into adulthood. Sometimes you got to know when, enough is enough and throw in the towel. Not that you completely gave up, because you never gave in, to something that even with the slightest sunlight and water, would never blossom.
I realized when I came along; it was for a sense of security, for a life that had shut doors with miss opportunities and rejections. This was a way to hide the embedded truth of their sexuality, trust and love. Once a child feels their not love; they don’t know how to love back. The only affectionate that accured was that from a counselor or therapist, who got paid to listen to the bullshit over and over again. They didn’t argue back or get upset so the recipient feels loved; and relieved. I was a victim of someone who adopted a lifestyle of playing the victim; because they wasn’t loved by their creator.
Though disappointment is the gap between expectations and reality; unwanted love is always painful even when you see it coming a mile away, but hurtful when it’s from the person who you felt you could build love with; only to find out the war started without you having a army. They had conspiracers who was only briefed by cake batter lies missing key ingredients……God and Prayer. This mouse turn into a rat for cheese, because she had a donkey in her ear who still lived her life as a mule. How can a mother guide a child who can’t even stand on her own. Jealousy is a inherited trait, and I got caught in a Charlotte’s web or two ungrateful spiders. Ex-wife and ex-mother in law, two perpetrators fueled by greed.