A Cold Journal by A.Dakala

Dear Journal,
Its me Cheryl Today’s April something, my days has started running concurrent. I never been a fan of blind dates or dating outside my race; even though my step father was Caucasian. Believe it or not, I looked up to him as a man because he treated my mother like a queen and stepped up to be a great father to another man’s child; something my biological father struggled to do being a successful black man with money in the community.

I ended up dating Charles Timmons the Beta Club class President who received a partial academic scholarship to Boston College. I knew if we went off to separate colleges our love for one another would deminish being so young in a different world than what we were use too.

I guess you can truly say don’t ever judge a book by its cover. Charles and i made it through four years of college. He actually graduated early and started working and i hate that i was unable to see him walk across the stage getting his degree. But on the night of my college graduation Charles propose to me; asking for my hand in marriage. Of course I said yes. My happiness was imagining two successful college graduates about to live the life of there dreams. There use to be this old saying ” white men can’t jump” but he definitely knew how to make this black girl happy.

In the beginning Charles was a sweetheart, opening doors, pulling out chairs; he never missed a day of telling me he loved me. I would get up every morning and fix breakfast for him then pack him a healthy lunch before he headed off to work. He would come home in the evenings and brag how the guys at work were so jealous that his wife made sure he had lunch everyday. He never talked much about his job, and he had been there for over a year now. All I knew was that he worked as a Mechanical engineer; and the bills were getting paid.

Last week Charles started feeling stress from this job; because his boss wants to cut his hours. Bad timing I said to myself, especially finding out that I was three weeks pregnant. Even our sex life slowed down this month and I notice Charles staying up late drinking beers like he was at a Woodstock festival. Not to mention this beard that he was growing; started to make him look like an unemployed homeless man. His birthday was coming up and I knew he wanted to get this black belt certification to enhance his engineer career. I reached out to Boston College while I was at work since they offered an online class; I was going to pay for them as a gift but I received some disturbing news. The advisor said Charles wouldn’t be able to take the classes, and gave me a list of things he needed to do first. I was so shook up about the news I had to leave work early. I called Charles a few times and he did not answer.

As I turned onto my street I notice Charles car was home and it was only a few minutes after one o’clock in the afternoon. All the blinds were close as usual; as I was getting out of the car the mail carrier walked across the front lawn from the house next door. “Mrs. Timmons, I have a certified letter for Charles Timmons”. I nodded still numb as my hands were shaking as I signed for the letter which was from Wells Fargo bank. The first two lines of the letter blinded me like high beam head lights on a country road. I could hear footsteps walking towards the front door so I stuffed the letter in my purse. Charles opens the door and had a surprising look that paralyzed his words from his mouth. I immediately asked, “Charles what is the name of the company you work for?” There was no answer from him. Ok let’s try this question, “Charles what did you get your degree in?” Still no answer from him. Well Mr. Timmons or whoever the hell you are; at least I know I married at liar, a cheater and a bum. I spoke with the academic advisor at Boston College; she told me you got kicked out of college your second year; so you have an engineering degree, you never walked the stage to get a degree and by the way Wells Fargo is about to freeze your account for your two year old daughter’s past due child support payments.


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